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Fancy a chuckle?

Discussion in 'The Thailand Vapers Lounge' started by judas, Mar 11, 2015.

  1. Siam Diesel
    Lurking

    Siam Diesel Nauti Moderator Staff Member

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    Jokes about children & sex are out of bounds. One post removed.
     
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  2. debatedude
    No Mood

    debatedude Mech Moderator Staff Member

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    And now for something completely different! A little something for our members from England:

    Funny-Hilarious-Jokes1.jpg

    And for those who like cartoons, a joke from Shnitzel, the rock monster from the cartoon "Chowder:"

    schnitzel's funniest joke ever.jpg
     
    haybilly, Tibo and Siam Diesel like this.
  3. pierdon
    Relaxed

    pierdon Well-Known Member

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  4. yourauntbob
    Happy

    yourauntbob hair club for men member

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    :rolling laugh::bravo::rolling laugh:
    **Updated**
    one of my favorites

    old man is sitting on a bench crying as a man in his thirties walks past. the younger man stops and asks

    young man "are you ok sir"
    old man "6 months ago i met a beautiful 25 year old women..." starts crying again
    young man "well what happened?"
    old man "we got to talking and really clicked, soon we were in love.." starts crying again
    young man "that sounds good, why the tears?"
    old man "we got married, every night she cooks me a big meal and they are always fantastic.." continues crying
    young man "i am struggling to understand why your sad"
    old man "then she takes me to the bedroom and we make passionate love all night long.." now weeping uncontrollably
    young man "sir, that sounds like every mans dream, why are you crying?"
    old man "I cant remember where i live.."
     
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  5. Siam Diesel
    Lurking

    Siam Diesel Nauti Moderator Staff Member

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    A Ticket to the Masters

    A man had two of the best tickets for the Augusta Masters.

    As he sits down, another man comes along and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him.
    "No", he says, "the seat is empty."

    "This is incredible!" said the man, "who in their right mind would have a seat like this, the biggest golfing event of the whole world, and not use it?"

    He says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. My wife always would come with me, but she passed away. This is the first Masters we haven't been to together since we got married."

    "Oh ... I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. I guess you couldn't find someone else? ... a friend or relative or even a neighbor to take the seat?"

    The man shakes his head ...

    ... "No. They're all at the funeral."--
     
  6. kevin bangkok

    kevin bangkok Well-Known Member

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    Four old retired men are walking down a street in Albox Almeria. They turn a corner and see a sign that says, "Old Timers Bar - ALL drinks 10 cents."

    They look at each other and then go in, thinking this is too good to be true.

    The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, "Come on in and let me pour one for you! What'll it be, gentlemen?"

    There's a fully stocked bar, so each of the men orders a Martini.

    In no time the bartender serves up four iced martinis shaken, not stirred and says, "That'll be 10 cents each, please." The four guys stare at the bartender for a moment, then at each other.

    They can't believe their good luck. They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another round.

    Again, four excellent martinis are produced, with the bartender again saying, "That's 40 cents, please."

    They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity gets the better of them.

    They've each had two martinis and haven't even spent a euroyet.

    Finally one of them says, "How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for 40 cents apiece?"

    "I'm a retired tailor from England ," the bartender says, "and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the Lottery Jackpot for 125 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs a 10 cents Wine, liquor, beer it's all the same."

    "Wow! That's some story!" one of the men says.

    As the four of them sip at their martinis, they can't help noticing seven other people at the end of the bar who don't have any drinks in front of them and haven't ordered anything the whole time they've been there.

    Nodding at the seven at the end of the bar, one of the men asks the Bartender, "What's with them?"

    The bartender says, "They're pensioners from Aberdeen. They're waiting for Happy Hour when drinks are half-price!"

    **Updated**
    What is Celibacy?
    Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by circumstances.


    While attending a Marriage Weekend, Frank and his wife Ann listened to the instructor declare, “It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.”
    He then addressed the men.
    “Can you name and describe your wife's favorite flower?”


    Frank leaned over, touched Ann’s arm gently, and whispered,
    “Gold Medal-All-Purpose, isn't it?”


    And thus began Frank's life of celibacy.

    [​IMG]

    SMILE
     
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  7. Siam Diesel
    Lurking

    Siam Diesel Nauti Moderator Staff Member

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    New Running Partner

    My neighbor came over the other day and was looking for a jogging partner. I gave her your cell so you can expect a call in the next day or two. You might want to check with YOUR doctor before you make a decision... Click here
     
  8. judas
    Amused

    judas Thread Starter Lethargic Member

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    That's not funny, I've just been struck blind :hot:
     
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  9. pierdon
    Relaxed

    pierdon Well-Known Member

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    Dan Bilzerian's (not so) little things...
     
  10. skeeters
    Lurking

    skeeters E juice monster

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    wow that woke me up,
     
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  11. debatedude
    No Mood

    debatedude Mech Moderator Staff Member

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    Wow! Glad my son wasn't nearby to see that LOL
     
    Siam Diesel likes this.
  12. kevin bangkok

    kevin bangkok Well-Known Member

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    Subject: How to calm a man!

    How to Calm a Man
    A woman goes to the Doctor, worried about her husband's temper.

    The Doctor asks: "What's the problem?

    The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every day my husband
    seems to lose his temper for no reason, and it scares me."

    The Doctor says: "I have a cure for that. When it seems that your
    husband is getting angry, just take a glass of water and start
    swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow it
    until he either leaves the room or goes to bed and falls asleep."

    Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor, looking fresh and reborn.

    The woman says: "Doctor that was a brilliant idea! Every time my
    husband started losing it, I swished with water. I swished and
    swished, and he calmed right down! How does a glass of water do that?"

    The Doctor says: "The water itself does nothing. It's keeping your
    mouth shut that does the trick...."





     
  13. kevin bangkok

    kevin bangkok Well-Known Member

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    3. A mother in law said to her son's wife when their baby was born: "I don't
    Mean to be rude but he doesn't look anything like my son." The daughter-in-law lifted her
    Skirt and said: "I don't mean to be rude either, but this is a vagina ,
    Not a f*cking photo-copier."
    **Updated**
    A coloured guy and Murphy go into a pastry shop.

    The black guy whisks three cookies into his pocket with lightning speed. The baker doesn't even notice.

    The black guy says to Murphy, "You see how clever we are? You Paddies can never beat that!"

    Murphy says to the black guy, "Watch dis, any Paddy is smarter din you, and I'll prove it to ya."

    He says to the baker, "Gimme a cookie, I'll show ya a magic trick!" The baker gives him the cookie, which he promptly eats.
    Then he says to the baker, "Gimme anudder cookie for me magic trick." The baker is getting suspicious, but he gives it to him. He eats this one too.

    Then he says again, "Gimme one more cookie..." The baker is getting angry now, but gives him one anyway. He eats this one too.

    Now the baker is really mad, and he yells, "OK ... so where is your famous magic trick?"

    Murphy says ....

    " Now look in the black guy's pocket!"
    [​IMG]



    --
     
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  14. Mack
    Relaxed

    Mack Well-Known Member

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    so so true.
     
  15. -V-
    Cool

    -V- Administrator Staff Member

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